Fall Road Trip

The view to the Southeast from Trail of Tears State Park.

If I had to pick a favorite season, it just might be Autumn. There is something magical about this time of year when the leaves change color. It makes me want to be out in the woods feeling the crisp afternoon air on my skin while walking through filtered sunlight. The forest, once dense and deeply shaded in summer, becomes aglow with fiery reds and oranges and golden yellow hues. It is like walking through an old photograph.

Fall has always been a particularly nostalgic time of year for me. Perhaps the light and cool afternoons, coupled with the reality of a season set on the brink of the icy stillness of Winter, remind me of the temporal nature of life. Change is inevitable, just like the trees remind us, and what was once a reality is now long past. I have so many vivid memories of Autumn afternoons and they all walk alongside me in the woods in the soft, gentle light of Fall. This weekend I decided to make a trip across the Mississippi to the see the St. Louis Symphony and continue South along the river to Cape Girardeau. I had no particular agenda. Just a scenic drive on a lazy Fall morning.

First on my itinerary was the orchestra concert and a night in town courtesy of Airbnb, the website where you can rent a room for a night in somebody's house. Prices range from $250 (or more) down to the more modest sums of $25 per night. It can be a range of options including shared rooms, private rooms, a tent in someone's living room (yes, a tent), or entire houses. Being adventurous and thrifty I chose a room for $30 per night that came with a bed, couch, drumset, and a cat to sit in my suitcase.

For a mere $30 per night "Hot Wings" the cat will sit inside of your luggage.

The next day I awoke early and hit the road after coffee and donuts, making my way along the river to Trail of Tears State Park, just north of Cape Girardeau. The park afforded breathtaking views of the river, some history about the Trail of Tears, and a nice campground which I will hopefully be able to check out at some point in the near future.

Trail of Tears State Park is a "Treasure" of the Great River Road.

The Mississippi River in the distance, through the trees.

The view to the North from the overlook at Trail of Tears State Park.

After a short hike and some scenic views, I drove the remaining 11 miles to Cape Girardeau. Once I arrived I had lunch, walked along the historic main street (which has an equal number of bars and antique stores), saw some historic buildings, and toured the first Catholic church built in town.

The catfish poboy at Broussards Cajun Cuisine.

The restored second iteration of the first Catholic church in town. The first was destroyed by fire twelve years after it was constructed.

Up the steps to the courthouse.

Marks on the levee indicating high water during floods. Note the two highest have occurred since construction of levees amid river management efforts by the Corps of Engineers. 

The view to the South and the bridge across the river to Illinois.

Fall colors, check. Time in the woods, check. Getting out of town for an evening, check. 

It was a good weekend and a nice break from routine.

What's In My Cup?

Most days it's very difficult to wake up at 6 AM but I do it anyway. Lately I've been waking up at that time to immediately retrieve the newspaper (yes I still subscribe to an actual, physical newspaper) lest it get stolen from my doorstep. (Gotta love my neighborhood!) However the main reason for my waking up that early is to make it to daily mass at 7 AM at the church across the street from my apartment. For me, it's a beautiful way to wake up each morning: sitting in the silent nave with twenty or so other early rising souls in the dawn semi-darkness. Daily mass is short and sweet - no music, no incense, no extra bells and whistles - just the bare bones of prayers, readings, and Eucharist.

I pay attention, mostly, to the readings and the homilies. Sometimes I feel connected to the other parishioners, sometimes not. Sometimes I get an idea that stays with me throughout the day, sometimes not. Lately I've found myself going more out of habit than anything else. I've been going through the motions and have not really been actively engaged. I go to church, then come home, eat breakfast, drink a cup of coffee (or three), and get on with my daily life. It's just what I do. Today was a little different, however.

In today's Gospel (Luke 11:37-41), Jesus schools a Pharisee who criticizes him for not washing according to prescribed custom prior to a meal. He says to the guy, "Oh you Pharisees! Although you cleanse the outside of the cup and the dish, inside you are filled with plunder and evil. You fools! Did not the maker of the outside also make the inside?" 

I have to admit, this kind of stung. I know exactly what this is all about because Jesus could be talking to me directly. Just like the Pharisee, I like to keep up appearances. I go to daily mass, pray daily, go to retreats at monasteries, and do a lot of spiritual reading, but I'm not actually "all in." There are so many things that I do, so many behaviors in which I engage, and so many things I think or feel on the inside that do not square with my outward appearance. I could post hundreds of photos on Facebook of my trips to Gethsemani Abbey or talk about by relationship with the Lord, but I would not dare post pictures of or write a status update on the true state of my soul.

I am human being and I (along with everyone else) have my ups and downs. At some point, however, I need to own my actions and decide if I want to continually give myself a pass or hold myself to a higher standard. This doesn't mean pretending to be perfect or judging others for their actions or behaviors (or even claiming I truly know what is right or wrong for that matter!). It simply means adopting the perspective that I am not, despite my outward appearances, as put together as I would like to imagine, and that at times, I do things I know I shouldn't do. Whether it's lying to someone, gossiping, having too much to drink, watching too much TV, or worse, there are things that I do that prevent me from being the best version of myself. The question I need to ask is, "are there things that I truly want to change about myself so I can be a better, happier person?"

I'm going to borrow from Alcoholics Anonymous for a moment. In AA, as in most twelve step programs, the first step is recognizing that "I am powerless over (insert addiction here) and that my life has become unmanageable." This can be a bitter pill to swallow and can be an overwhelming concept at first. However, once a person is able to admit this to oneself, it liberates that person by giving them powerful self-knowledge. It is only then that the process of healing and bettering oneself can begin. In the Catholic sense it is the knowledge of sin and the desire to not only confess, but to actively engage in the process of change of self that is so important. "Faith of itself, if does not have works, is dead," (James 2:17). To this end, I need to trust in God that He will make me a better person if I have the wisdom, the courage, the patience, and the love to let Him.

"God, help me to be truly human. Help me to appreciate and bring out the best in everyone around me. You have created man so that he is capable to appreciate consciously all the gifts that you have given him. Lord, help me to appreciate all that you have given to me. Help me to be truly human."

-Teenagers' Prayer, from Harare, Zimbabwe