Eau Claire Show

Last night we played a show in Eau Claire. I've only been back there a few times in past year and a half, and I certainly haven't spent much time on any of these visits, so it was nice to have a chance to be in town for the afternoon and evening. It gave me a chance to visit some of my favorite places near campus:

It's a funny thing to revisit this place that I once called home. I lived in Eau Claire for thirteen years - first as a college student and then as a teacher - a significant portion of my life, actually. I've never really felt like I've had a "hometown" of any sort, but Eau Claire definitely was the closest to this for me. This town will always have a special place in my heart, but it no longer has the same sense of home that it once did. I just don't belong there anymore. I can no sooner go back to my old life in Eau Claire than I can to my childhood growing up in Minneapolis.

Spending the summer traveling from town to town across Wisconsin, seeing all of the different people, and watching this group of kids perform for their hometown crowds has made me reflect on the communities that we create and how our sense of identity is inextricably linked to our families, friends, and loved ones (and even our enemies too). We create communities and live together because we need each other. We all want to belong somewhere. We all want someone to miss us when we are not there and we like to feel useful. We want others to rely on the talents and strengths that we offer. It's human nature that we desire a sense of belonging wherever we live. 

I belonged to Eau Claire once. My life was there. I lived, loved, worked, played, struggled, and grew there. I reached a lot of milestones in my life in Eau Claire. It was such a good place to me and the community left an indelible imprint on my life. Memories from my past lie around each and every corner in that town - so much so that I could easily spend a week wandering the streets reminiscing. Every time I am in town, my past seems to follow me, but it's all just a memory. I left Eau Claire to move on to "bigger and better" things - grad school, greener pastures, the next adventure - and along the way I lost my sense of belonging.

In the end we all make choices about where we want to live, who we want to associate with, and who we love. If we want to belong somewhere, we have to decide, "this is where I want to be." For some this may mean living in one town for their entire lives, getting married, and raising a family. For others it may mean living alone, making friends all over the world and building a network of connections that you can visit in a semi-nomadic lifestyle. The word "community" is flexible and it's meaning varies according to each individual. The most important part is how you relate to your particular community. 

I'm still figuring out what my community is and where I belong but I'm happy to know that I can be who I am and I can decide where I fit. It also puts my mind at ease to know that I can choose to be happy anywhere - that sometimes happiness and belonging come in the most unexpected ways and from the most unexpected places.

The KIDS from Wisconsin Experience

I'm sitting in my dorm room at the State Fair Park in West Allis, WI as I type this, exhausted and dazed but otherwise feeling good about the month of June. I was hoping this summer would provide the opportunity to share my thoughts on the road about traveling with KIDS and talk about our tour, sharing interesting facts and stories that were funny, heartwarming, and entertaining. Instead, the job of tour director/stage band director has consumed most of my life (in a very positive way) and has reinforced the fact that this summer and the entire experience is completely about this group of thirty three very talented and very wonderful human beings and not so much about me. But I have some time on this, the first day of a three day break, to share some thoughts about the experience so far.

For those of you who don't know, I was in the troupe back in 1998. I had just finished my first year of college and was looking for something to do during the summer. It was a good experience for me, but in many ways I was a cocky, immature little SOB back then, and I didn't recognize the true value of the experience of being a KID until later. This was confirmed during our seventeen day training camp when I met up with some of the staff who were in the troupe with me that year! In fact, I realized what a good experience it actually was for me only after I had been away for a while - especially in midst of my job in the live entertainment division at Valleyfair the following summer.

To be honest KIDS wasn't even on my radar at all prior to this year. I knew that it existed and that I had been a past member, but when I got an email from the producer asking if I would be interested in the stage band director job, I didn't know what to think. First of all I had not been the most enthusiastic member of the troupe (to put it mildly) and second, I am going to be thirty-five years old this summer. I'm getting too old for this, right? Could I really handle this job: eighteen hour days, riding buses all over Wisconsin, living with thirty-three high energy 15-20 year-olds, working with music that I don't know or to which I never listen, and eating fast food for practically every meal? It has proved to be challenging for my introverted self, used to a quiet house, reading, going to bed at 11 PM and waking up at 6:30 AM, and working a few hours a day at grad school work and my youth orchestras, attending daily mass, and keeping to myself mostly.

So far the challenges to me personally have been met with even greater rewards. I know that we've only completed only one third of the summer (!) but I am looking forward to seeing these kids again in a few days. They have helped me grow in my understanding of self, they have challenged me and pushed me harder than I've been pushed in a long time, and they have entertained me endlessly with their sense of humor, creativity, talent, and (even though they might be too cool to admit it) their sense of childlike wonder which is still present beneath the mask of adolescence and young-adulthood. The teacher in me truly enjoys being a part the experience with these kids on and off stage all summer long.

Finally, I am so happy to be here this summer at a time in my life when my sense of community and belonging is completely disoriented. After a year that brought enormous changes to my life, I am happy to know that "once a KID, always a KID," is actually something that is very true. The warmth that I have felt from my fellow staff members who shared the stage with me when I was nineteen years old, the sense of welcome from the artistic staff - many of whom were present in 1998, the openness of the troupe, and the rhythm of the KIDS experience between camp and tour, have made me not feel so old actually. It is truly a remarkable place.

Riding the elevator in the dorms.